Reading this, at times I thought "Are you me?" But we already knew we have stuff in common. We've both got the Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (and yes, wtf is up with that face illustration -- that looks more like the look I have on my face when I'm trying NOT to have the "are you stupid?" look on my face). Then we differ in that I have fibromyalgia and possibly narcolepsy, but it's the same old med dance. My nurse practitioner in PA had me on a combo of three anti-depressants, with two of them having shown to help people with fibromyalgia. Then I moved here, and my doctor thought I was on too many drugs, so she changed it to something else. Now my fibro is acting up. 🙄 And nothing so far has worked for the narcolepsy. I'm entirely immune to Provigil and Ritalin!
Anyway, like you I've made it this far holding down a good job with good performance reviews, but now I'm wondering if I could do that now. I'm constantly exhausted and have no focus. I read things, then look again and it says something different. WTF, brain, please stop it.
Do you ever feel guilty about being disabled? I know it's ridiculous because you certainly shouldn't! But I feel guilty all the time about my inability to function like I want. I suspect it's due to the shame and resentment that you see from people thinking you're getting a free ride and cheating the government, etc. People can be so cruel about invisible illnesses.
Sorry if I'm oversharing or derailing anything. I'm just kinda babbling right now. But YAY YOU for having the strength to get through all the paperwork and bullshit to get yourself properly certified (which still sounds weird to say)! I hope things get better/easier for you now. <3
Reading this, at times I thought "Are you me?" But we already knew we have stuff in common. We've both got the Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (and yes, wtf is up with that face illustration -- that looks more like the look I have on my face when I'm trying NOT to have the "are you stupid?" look on my face). Then we differ in that I have fibromyalgia and possibly narcolepsy, but it's the same old med dance. My nurse practitioner in PA had me on a combo of three anti-depressants, with two of them having shown to help people with fibromyalgia. Then I moved here, and my doctor thought I was on too many drugs, so she changed it to something else. Now my fibro is acting up. 🙄 And nothing so far has worked for the narcolepsy. I'm entirely immune to Provigil and Ritalin!
Anyway, like you I've made it this far holding down a good job with good performance reviews, but now I'm wondering if I could do that now. I'm constantly exhausted and have no focus. I read things, then look again and it says something different. WTF, brain, please stop it.
Do you ever feel guilty about being disabled? I know it's ridiculous because you certainly shouldn't! But I feel guilty all the time about my inability to function like I want. I suspect it's due to the shame and resentment that you see from people thinking you're getting a free ride and cheating the government, etc. People can be so cruel about invisible illnesses.
Sorry if I'm oversharing or derailing anything. I'm just kinda babbling right now. But YAY YOU for having the strength to get through all the paperwork and bullshit to get yourself properly certified (which still sounds weird to say)! I hope things get better/easier for you now. <3